The Food Stamp Debate

So, I’ve been playing phone tag with my food stamp caseworker for about a month now.  This is mostly my fault because I won’t answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number and I’m not really sure that I am ready to swallow my pride and actually get food stamps.  To be fair, my caseworker didn’t call during either of my interview appointments, so there’s that.

I’m not really sure why, but I find it completely soul-crushing that I’m even considering going on public assistance. Yes, I only make about $15,500 year, and that’s if I’m lucky with getting hours, but there’s a little voice at the back of my head that keeps telling me that I’m not the type of person who should be on food stamps.  And this isn’t a “there are people who need the them more than you” type of feeling; this is a “if you get food stamps, you’re a loser and not trying hard enough” feeling.  I know this is at least partially ridiculous, but let’s be honest, it’s what most people would think.  I mean, I come from a nice, middle-class family, went to a prestigious university and just graduated from law school.  I have absolutely no business being on food stamps.  Yet, I am currently surviving mostly on 10 for $10 Greek yogurts and hard-boiled eggs (a girl has to watch her figure, after all).  I work my butt off and I can barely cover my bills, never mind afford food.  What’s worse is that my student loans are still in deferment, once those become due, I will be royally fucked.  So, I guess on Monday the game of phone tag will continue and another little piece of my soul will die.